Hey there Delilah

It has been awhile since I have had any time to blog.

Delilah Sue was born March 10th, 2009 at 9:00 pm. She is a very tiny, very pretty baby.

I will post my birth story sometime when I have more time to brush it up. James and Evan went out to the movies today. It is nice to get Evan out of the house. I don't have the patience or the time to find him enough to do when he is here for the three days a week. I have forgotten how isolating being home with a baby is. I guess maybe I thought this time would be different. It is a daunting task to get out the door with a baby (and a 3 year old). So, we don't really do it. I go out alone or with James if someone is here to watch the baby. I have friends, but everyone is doing their own thing. Which is fine most of the time. Most of the time I don't have time for them. But now, all I have is time.

Yesterday, I started to feel a little anxious. The house swallowing me and all. It worries me because that is one of the more defining points of postpartum depression. I don't know if I am "there" yet. Nights have been the worst. Probably because I am so tired. A lot of the time I hate nearly every part of this experience. And then I feel guilty about it. I know it is only for a short time. It is hard to remind myself of that. A prison of my own making.

Anyhow, I don't really want to talk about it. Writing for catharsis or something.

Watching 12 Monkeys. Really like this movie.