March 10th

I had my appointment with my doctor yesterday. As I suspected, baby's head was still firmly lodged in my ribs. Ultrasound confirmed that. The doctor was bemused about how she could be comfortable in the position she is in.

We discussed doing the external version. She mentioned that my placenta is in the front of my uterus, which would make the version slightly more difficult. With that and her position, the doctor put the odds of being able to turn her about 50/50. I explained to her my fears about needing another emergency section after all that transpired with Evan. So, I decided not to do the version. I have another appointment next Friday to check the position again (and they will check position prior to beginning a c-section). But unless baby girl has other plans, we will do a c-section on March 10th.

I go between being excited and disappointed. It is nice to have an end in sight. I am so big and feeling more uncomfortable by the day. I feel like I am out of room in there because every movement she makes is getting painful. And my skin is getting itchy because it is starting to stretch again. But a big part of me is very disappointed. I am sad that I will never be able to experience a good labor experience. It is one of those universal women's experiences that I will miss out on. A lot of people have said to me, "You aren't missing much." But I would like to be the one to decide that. I also am dreading having another surgery. I was in so much pain the last time. And I am worried about caring for Evan and not being able to pick him up, etc. I have heard that a planned section is a whole different ball game.

Anyhow, the best laid plans and all.... Since baby girl has been so willful already, she may have other plans for me. Maybe she will flip. Maybe she will decide to move out early.

It is only 6 am again. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am tired, but can't sleep past my normal wake up time. Up before even Evan. We may go to the zoo today. Depends upon how abitious I want to be. I would like to do something fun for Evan and the weather is supposed to be lovely, but I don't know how far I will be able to walk.

10 days...

Swimming

Today is 37 weeks pregnant! Just three weeks left to the due date. Yowza. Last night, I picked up some swim diapers and new (Lightning McQueen) swimming trunks for Evan, and James, Evan, and I went to the pool at James' gym. The idea behind this trip was so that I could do some handstands in the pool to try to get the baby to flip. And I figured it would be fun for Evan. So I did a few handstands and we passed Evan back and forth. Evan had so much fun. He was giggling and screaming and splashing. He really had a great time. Who knows whether this actually worked. It is hard to tell which end is up inside. But he had fun, and it was really nice to be weightless for a few minutes. When I got out, it was hard to walk. LOL.

I took Evan into the locker room to change him out of his swim diaper and he keeps announcing, "I peed! I peed!" You may not know, but swim diapers do nothing to contain pee; there is no absorbency because otherwise the weight of the pool would be in his diaper. So the pee is probably dripping out with the water. LMAO. So I kept hushing him as to not alarm anyone. LOL. Then, in one of the more mortifying moments in my life....I took off the maternity tankini top (thank you Jen for letting me borrow!) and tried to get my bra on. Yeah, nothing like feeling that the entire locker room is staring at your 9 month pregnant belly and giant, ready-to-nurse-a-baby boobs, while you futilely try to pull a bra on over wet skin. LOL.

There was a young girl there who kept talking to me about swim diapers and such...she was probably about 13 or so. She did say, "If kids are in my future, I hope I have one like him." Sweet, huh? James said I should have said, "Here you go!" LOL.

I know Evan had fun because as I was walking out the door at daycare this morning, I heard him telling another mother, "I went swimming." Sweet boy.

Breech

It is just after 6am on a Saturday and I am up way before the rest of my family. I had loads of strange dreams and just couldn't go back to sleep. Too much on my mind I suppose.

I had my 36 week appointment with my doctor yesterday. Baby is breech. I could see the disappointment on my doctor's face. She knows how bad I wanted a VBAC. I am sad and this morning a little mad. I read up in my books on breech babies, and wouldn't you know normal head down presentation happens with almost all (singleton) babies on their own...only 3 -5 % of pregnancies have breech babies. F---, why me? Why this birth? After all that I have done to try to avoid a c-section.

There are some options, of course. Doctor wants me to wait a week and go back for another ultrasound to see if she has turned. I am going to see what my doulas recommend for encouraging a turn. (there are some weird suggestions out there). If she is still bottom down next week, then she said we can do a version. A version would be done in the hospital. They would give me a uterus relaxing drug and then manually try to turn the baby. The cons are that it is only 60% effective. If the baby does turn, they can always turn back before the birth. It is not a pleasant experience...in fact most people say it can hurt a lot. It also could cause problems with the baby/placenta that would require an immediate emergency c-section, under general anesthesia. Which is the experience I got to have with Evan, that I am trying to avoid. If I have to have a c-section, I would like to at least be awake this time.

Ugh. I am just so sad and mad. The first days of Evan's birth were such a fog and so unpleasant that I have a hard time remembering them and I was hoping things would be different this time. It is hard to know if it was depression setting in, or if it was all the pain meds I was on.

Anyhow, I need to go wipe my tears and get my boy up. He is awake now. Happy weekend.

I guess it is about time for another blog. Today is a busy day. James and I met at lunch to go refinance the house. We got a great rate and it will cut our payments down almost $300 a month. We will need that "extra" money for child care soon....it will almost pay for a week of care for both kids. LOL. You know what they say, "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems." I am back at work after that...but will leave in about an hour to go to my 36 week appointment. Doctor said she would do an ultrasound to determine which way the baby is pointing, so that will be exciting. After that, it is home and then James and I will go to Toys R' Us to pick out some birthday gifts for Evan (David and Linda are hanging with the boy.). So very busy.

Mostly, it has been an uneventful week (at least on my end). We just got word today that the agencies we are working with asked for another 60 day extension...so that totally jacks up my timeline. Not my problem, I guess. It will be for someone else to deal with in the coming weeks.

Evan has been a funny boy lately. I was telling him to march out of my room yesterday morning. I asked him if he knew what "marching" was. He said, "My birthday." Smart kid. LOL. Same morning, I asked James if he had seen our computer's flashdrive. Evan held up a funnel that he has been using as pretend flashlight and said, "here it is!" He is sort of a goof. I am sure he is enjoying his time with his Grandma and Grandpa today.

Not a whole lot planned for this weekend. Just getting some last minute stuff together and possibly packing my hospital bag. Sunday, we have plans to go to the Roadhouse with Jen, Jose, and Jasmine. Evan loves that place :)

Exhaustion is the word of the day....week. So tired. I don't know if this is a function of pregnancy, or if it is my body fighting off something else. I have some congestion and a mild cough too...but nothing terrible.

This weekend, James, Evan, and I went to my folks' house. It is our last trip as a family of three. Evan gets a kick out of going to their house....they have tons of animals. He particularly loves Rooster the dog (Wooster). I think Rooster loves him too. They run after each other endlessly. Right after we got there, Dad went out and found that one of their ewes had had two lambs within the last couple of hours. So we had to go out and see them. Evan's reaction was "Ew." to the backend of the ewe. LOL. The babies were pretty darn cute.

Evan followed Rooster out to the pasture (and James followed Evan). The horses got spooked by Evan's presence and started to run. I didn't see this, so I have to rely on James' account of what happened. James was scared of Evan being trampled, so he snatched him up. James later told me that his first instinct was to draw his gun at the horses. I have to say that it makes me very happy that James is so protective of his son. He loves him dearly. But it does make me cringe and giggle at the events that would have followed had he shot my parents' horses. It would have been a tough one to explain to my dad that my husband just shot his horses with his duty weapon. LOL. Luckily, we didn't have to deal with that. Really, the visual still makes me giggle a bit.

We had some wonderful meals that mom and dad prepared. So yummy. We also got to watch Dad's new favorite movie, The War (with Elijah Wood and "Kevin Costner in a secondary role"). The movie was not my favorite...but after talking to a couple of coworkers...there are at least a handful of other people who agree with my dad. (Dad, Claire and Suzanne's little boys agree with you! LOL). I had some awesome swelling of my feet...don't know if it was the heat (my god, the heat! :P ) or the altitude or what....

We drove home and had lunch with James' folks. At one point I was speaking sternly to Evan about staying in his chair and he pointed his finger at me and said, "You know the rules!" Apparently I have said that to him before :P. I could barely keep my eyes open that afternoon. I had to take a nap.

I had Monday off, so we spent some more time together. I went to Bosom Buddies for my nursing bras and pump parts...trying to get all prepared for this baby. We also went to the mall for a minute. I took another nap that day too. I am soooo not a napper either.

Today was back to work. Nice to meet up with coworkers again. One of them is newly engaged. So that is fun. Evan had a rough day at school today I guess. There was a new kid in the class and he and Evan got into a fight. Over what, I don't know, but Evan had some major scratches to his face. The kid went right for his eye. He is a trooper though and it doesn't seem to bother him at all.

Tomorrow, my work friends are taking me to lunch for a work shower. I am excited :)

Winter Wonderland

We took my car to the dealership last night. So I was car-less this morning. We got a little bit of snow, but when I looked out and saw that the side walks were mostly clear, I made the executive decision that I would walk Evan to daycare. It is only about a half mile away. I didn't want him to miss his picture day today...and I wasn't sure when it would begin. So right at about sunrise, we bundled up and got the stroller. And we started our trek to daycare.

It was beautiful. We had the type of snow that sticks to branches and such, so it was really pretty. We must have been a sight. All bundled up with Evan and Kittycat in the stroller. Every once in a while, Evan would say, "Brrrr...." LOL. It was pretty cold. (19 degrees, I discovered when I made it home!) He liked the novelty of it though. Anything new. The walk home was harder, I think.

I am working from home today. A nice change of pace. Evan said to me this morning, "Dogs don't go to school. They sit at home all day and night." LOL. I said, "Yeah, wouldn't that be nice?"

I am 35 weeks pregnant today. Yikes. This, so far, has been a pretty good pregnancy. The morning sickness was worse, but everything else has been better. With Evan, my body was ravaged by pregnancy...stretch marks, rib pain, tailbone pain, pelvic pain. So far, I think my body was already so stretched out that those things haven't been an issue so far. You know what does suck? Skin tags. Not a commonly known side effect of pregnancy, but it is "normal." I have grown about 15 of them in the last few months. I guess our bodies can't differentiate whose skin cells are suppose to grow like crazy. Hopefully they will fall off...ew.

Right now, baby is sleeping. I am thanking Xenu because she beats the crap out of me when she is awake. Tossing and turning. And very well placed punches to the crotch. Nice baby. Don't wake up.

Love Will Prevail

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

On December 19, 2008, Ken Starr and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and seeking to nullify the 18,000 same-sex marriages conducted between May and November of 2008. The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in this case on March 5, 2009, with a decision expected within the next 90 days.

I watched this video first thing today at work, and cried like a baby. Hormones are great, right? But really, what a fantastic message. I don't understand the opposing viewpoint on this...not even a little bit. How can we tell people that their love isn't as great as what I feel for James? How can we take away rights from people? I have to believe that love will prevail.

Nothing extraordinary to report today. Just plugging along. Have to take my car in tonight. Feeling pretty good today.

Shower!

James just left for his first night of work this week. James is getting over being sick and I am trying to fight it off. I think Evan is fighting off something too. We had pesto pasta tonight and that gives me heartburn on a good day...let alone being pregnant. Ugh. I am sitting here watching Juno and putting off writing some thank yous.

This weekend went by so fast. Yesterday, Jen threw me a shower. Beforehand, I took James and Evan to McDonald's for a quick lunch. Evan kept trying to climb up in the playland, but was having trouble with the ladder portion of it. So he took off his socks and climbed up the slide. He was crawling around in the tubes above our head. I went to buy us lunch and he was out by the time I got back. James said that Evan was climbing around up there saying, "I don't like this at all. I don't like this one bit." LOL. When he saw me, he told me, "I was bery (very) brave. I came down the scary slide. I was bery brave."

Emily and Jen were the first to arrive. Emily to help me with Evan while I fixed the house. Jen did the food prep. Then my in laws and my MIL's friend came over. James and his dad took Evan out to play for a couple of hours. Evan seemed to be ok with the fact that people were bringing "sister" presents. We had a lovely shower. It was a nice size, good food, and wonderful people. Being the center of attention isn't usually my favorite thing...but it wasn't too bad. I was dying of heat though. LOL. I had a lot of fun and got some lovely gifts. I will post some pictures, when I get some.

Beauty and the Beast

I finished my first knitted garment--a sweater for the baby and matching hat. I think it turned out nice! The color looks bluer here...it is more of a heather purple, I think. Today, as I was discussing a second pregnancy with a coworker surprised to be pregnant at 7 months post partum...I felt my first twinge. Excitement! I am excited to meet my baby girl. Excited to see who she will be. I looked at some pictures of Evan fresh out of the oven...and even then you could see who he is now. He was smaller, but still Evan. Yellower, but still Evan. I am getting excited!

I read Beauty and the Beast to Evan last night for the first time. He was intrigued by the story. Today, he went over and said, "There's Daddy!" and pointed at the Beast. LOL. James wasn't nearly as amused as I was.

I had to take my car to the shop today. Something is wrong with ball bearing and a unit of some sort. Stupid curb that I hit a while back...new tire and now new ball bearing and a unit of some sort. Very expensive curb. :(

Defiance

I am teleworking today. I was going to telework this morning prior to having to take Evan downtown for his visit with the ENT, but realized that I didn't have the token that supplies me with my ever changing numerical password for my work account. High security does have its downside. So I took Evan into the office with me. I needed to scan some documents, so Evan hung out with a coworker while I did that. He made lots of pretty pictures with my highlighters. He also insisted on watching some cars videos on You Tube. He did not want to leave. I am pretty sure that is what he thinks I do at work (some days he isn't all that far off ;P). So he was sullen when we had to leave and wouldn't say good bye to anyone. Such a delightful child.

Then to the ENT office downtown. He enjoys that part of if because he gets to ride multiple elevators. But per usual, we had to wait forever in the waiting room. He was getting a little rowdy and would do exactly the opposite of what I asked him to do. "Please don't bang on the aquarium" equals loud banging accompanied by barking at the fish. The little turd knows that I can't discipline him in the same way at places like those. But he did end up in time out at a table for while. We also had to wait in the dr. office for a long time. (all told 90 minutes at KP today). I was trying to manage keeping Evan from pushing buttons on the chair, talking to the doctor, and not openly threatening a beating. He still has one tube hanging on. She will want to remove it if it stays in another couple months. So it is still a wait and see. He has a cold right now, so we will see if it develops into an ear infection.

We had our second weekend as a family! It was really nice. I think it was Friday night that I made pancakes. Evan loves him some pancakes....and so does James. So there was one last one on the plate and James was waiting to see if Evan wanted it. I asked Evan if Daddy could have the last pancake. And Evan said, "No, I hungry." So I put it on his plate and Evan said, "I eat the last one. I eat it all gone." I couldn't believe that he was saying it spitefully, but you should have seen the grin. Oh lord. He didn't even eat it all. LOL.

Saturday, we went to the mall and then to Smashburger (new burger place, really good burger, so-so fries, intestinal issues following). I can't even remember the rest of the day. LOL. Must have been good. Sunday, Evan and I went grocery shopping. And James went to urgent care (after over a week of me pestering him :P). He had a really sore throat that sort of baffled the doctors there because it was so swollen. The quick strep test came back negative, but the dna one came back positive (we both just heard from his doctor). So James will hopefully feel better soon. James and I moved some stuff around the house and hung up some stuff in baby's room. We watched the tiniest bit of the Super Bowl to ensure that the Office was going to record and then went to bed.

My car is running too loudly...not sure what that is about. So I am planning on taking it in to the dealership tomorrow. So more teleworking at least for the morning.